How had we come to this place? We had come to this place because WE had been viewed by those that we had considered to be representative of us, of our lives as we knew them, to be parasites on the system . That we did not serve the larger plan and therefore had to be brought down a peg. And we, we had brought much of it on ourselves by being complacent , by taking the easy road, by letting those in charge make the tough choices instead of enduring minor inconviences ourselves. We had surrendered authority by failing in accepting our responsiblity.
I watched as my students struggled to recreate on paper the facts that would earn them a good grade. Their world was not about learning but about socialization and training. There was a difference between loving a subject and answering a state approved multiple guess test on a general education. Echos of Montag walking the teacher in "Farenheit 451" flashed in my head. Four times four is sixteen , eight by eight is sixty four, twelve times twelve is one hundred and forty four...learning by route not by heart. We had fallen in our educational rankings - we had failed to behave as good human animals and allowed our children to be the losers. It became about budget instead of education. Its what the system demanded. I wondered if we had to be satisfied with what the system provided or could we do more. Most of us already were stretched thin on time as we were. Papers rustled under sweating student hands, hoping to provide an adequate rationalization not to be retained in a lower grade. Bell, the students stood and handed me the state test as they filed to lunch. I put the papers in the proper approved envelope- I would not correct these- they would be graded by computer in New Jersey , provided of course , the students had exactly followed the rules in marking answers and changing those necessary. There would be another testing session like this after lunch.Tests show facts, they don't show heart or thought. Smiling, I handed the papers to the office proctor who removed them from my custody as soon as I had collected all of the answers. "You are all individuals, you can all think for yourselves," crossed my mind. Only they couldn't for they did not know how . I wasn't allowed. There had to be a better way. We were raising good consumers but not good managers of consuming. We were raising these children to lose. To be consumed by an uncaring environment that had already demonstrated that it believed in sacrificing anyone who did not fit their tight little niche. I had no children of my own but I had children who were mine over seven hours a day. I could not think of another single animal who voluntarily led their offspring to the slaughterhouse. It disturbed me. The lack of care in our human ecosystem screamed that perhaps the system itself was unhealthy and self destructing. I wondered if it were too late to turn it around . What did these children need? What had my teachers given to me that wasn't being given to the children today?
Wal- Mart , Neighborhood Market was smaller sibling to the Super Wal-Marts. It was in but not of the neighborhood. Not in the way that Crowell's Market used to be . I wondered if Mr Crowell had less of a problem with theft and employee loss because they had intereacted all of their lives. The neighborhood market stretched before me like a huge factory supply house. Very impersonal- and more disturbing that the lower rungs were filled from the neighborhoods which surrounded it but the managers had come from somewhere else. They had been removed from their support system. Wal-Mart not only replaced Crowells' but the consumer's parents and families as one moved up the chain of command. Was this what the children saw when they looked at the adult world? I wondered as I wandered through the factory like aisles buying packaged foods made by other factories. Where were the people in all of this? I saw corporate logos and image- but even in the ethnic foods, there was no ethnicity. It all came from research and development commissioned by the marketing department of a corporation intent on profit and loss and not on people. I returned my corporate commissioned prepackaged meals to their respective shelves - went in search of hamburger, mixed vegetables,cheese and potatoes . I was going to make the Shepard's Pie that we had made in our family for generations. I was not going to give up. Were there others like me? And how did I find them?
Julius, in a rare spirit of gracious generosity , offered to do dishes. I countered , saying that I would wash if he would wipe. I wanted to talk with him . I wanted his balance to my observations. " Start simple." He advised. " Start with people that you know, everyone knows how to do something." Who did I know? I knew a portion of my neighbors and some of my students' mothers. Fathers were less apt to show up at teacher conferences. "What are you planning to start ? How can I help? What needs doing? Between the two of us , we have two fairly good brains." He was right. I didn't need more to do, but no one goes into education for the money or the praise.
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